So you thought we were going to post the winners on Friday and so did Krisiffany.
But then Tiffany decided that she needed fro-yo, so she went and got some and she found a lottery ticket. She spent an hour trying to find the owner of the lottery ticket, but to no avail.
Suddenly, she remembered that her horoscope stated she was going to become independently wealthy. So, she went to go cash the lottery ticket in, and found out that it was worth $500,000. She was like, "Hells, yeah."
Immediately, she went online and bought Kristen a ticket. Kristen flew in on a red eye flight to Texas that cost $2,000, but it didn't matter, because Tiffany was rich. Woohoo!
So, Tiffany went to the airport at 3 am to get Kristen off the plane. She went to the wrong gate 4 times. By the time they met up it was near 6 am, so when they got back to Tiffany's house, they slept until 2 PM. Since they made a promise to Kristen’s stepdaughter, when they woke up they went the Jo Bros house with their paparazzi style cameras. They knocked on their door, and said, "Before you call security, we have cash!"
They seemed cool with the idea and took 200 grand from us (their house was awesome btw), but then Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez came around the corner and were all, "O. M. G. Those are the biotches that stole our bodies and stuck their faces in our heads and made a stupid vlog about it."
Kristen and Tiffany were escorted out, but not before they fought their way into a picture. So, it wasn't a total fail whale. That is, until they were arrested and charged with trespassing.
They spent the night in jail, but then remembered that they had cold hard cash to blow, so they bought their way out. Plus, the guard kind of liked Tiffany's new haircut.
Upon springing from jail, they hopped on the first flight to Budapest because they were tipped off that 30 Seconds To Mars was playing a small venue there. So, they checked into the finest hotel in Budapest. (Why not, they were rich, even though they were blowing all their money.)
They swiped the key to their room, but someone was in their bed. They went all Goldilocks on him and said, "What are you doing in here? This is our room!"
A raspy voice came from under the covers, "No this is my room."
Kristen knew the voice immediately and tried to act all cool, but she was all hot and bothered, so she passed out. Tiffany tried to catch her fall, but missed by a few centimeters, and Kristen hit her head on the marble bedside table, cracking it open.
Jared rescued Kristen from the floor and rested her on the couch. He flew to the fridge, grabbed a bottle of beer, and gingerly placed it on her forehead. He turned to Tiffany and said, "She'll be fine."
His attorney whisked into the room right as Jared announced that Kristen and Tiffany would receive backstage passes to his concerts for life. The attorney made Kristen's hand sign some paper (since she was still passed out and Tiffany was cool with it) and left.
By the time Kristen awoke, they missed the concert in Budapest, but what did they care, they had backstage passes for LIFE! They had to fly back home.
When Tiffany arrived at the airport, she found her car parked illegally with a boot on the wheel. Every last dime was spent de-booting the car. And she had to return to work the next day.
Yeah, but that really didn't happen. It wasn't even a dream. We kid. We kid. We won't even go into the details as to why we are posting the winners so late. It's not nearly as interesting as our made up story.
So, I bet you want to know who the winners are.
KRISTEN AND TIFFANY, COME ON DOWN!
Okay, just kidding again. We put the names in randomomzier.org and got the following winners:
Stone Pad and Tiffany's awesome pens: Christopher Rickel
Stone Pad and Kristen’s not-so-awesome pens: Gretchen de la O
$5 Starbucks Gift Card: Riv Re
Please contact us at krisiffany(at)gmail(dot)com with your address so we can send you your fantabulous prizes.
BTW our new trademarked slogan is Retardedlly Awesome. And if not, you'll get your money back. (Thanks to Karen Amanda Hooper for that amazing name for us!)
